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FINDING YOUR PET’S BEST FRIEND

Let’s face it, pets are like Lay’s potato chips- no one can have just one. Many first-time pet guardians soon begin wishing that their pet had a friend to keep them company while the family is at work or school. And so they venture out to adopt a new best friend for their pet. Often, though, this plan is less than successful; the original pet doesn’t want to pursue a close relationship, the new pet is a bully or latches onto a human companion in the house. Families often resent the new pet if he turns out to be the first to the lap, toy or food bowl, and the original pet has to step back from his family to avoid fights.

 How can we prevent these failed relationships and be a better matchmaker for our pets?

 First we must realize that not every pet wants or needs a companion of the four-legged type. Some animals are perfectly happy being around only people, and are not lonely for furry society. Others are not properly socialized to members of their own species, and end up in endless battles with another pet, or simply withdraw from humans and animals alike in order to avoid conflict they do not know how to deal with.

 The second thing we must recognize is that animals are individuals. Getting a second pet is not going to be like finding the right jigsaw puzzle piece that fits. Even if you follow all the guidelines and bring home a pet who ought to be the perfect match, your pet and he may simply not like each other. Animals, like people, don’t like everyone that they meet. If possible, and certainly in the case of dogs, a meeting before an adoption is finalized can save everyone a lot of trouble.

 Third, if you are really looking for a companion for your pet, then look for just that. Often people say they are looking for a friend for their pet and then adopt the one that they think is cute or reminds them of a childhood pet or whose personality they like. You can’t pick someone else’s spouse by looking for your dream date!

 The last point to be made is that animals form bonds and have emotions just as humans do. Even scientists, who never believe anything they can’t prove, are finally admitting that animals do indeed have emotional lives. Why am I mentioning this? Because every year, many thousands of animals are adopted from rescue groups and returned before they have been given a fair chance to work things out with the other animals in the house. Too often, people see an initial reaction from their pet which is not what they expected (they expected “love at first sight”) and jump to the conclusion that it will not work out. They run back to the rescue group to return their adopted pet, never even considering that the pet may have just experienced their first taste of a good, safe home. Imagine living in a terrible situation, being neglected and injured, then patched back up by kind strangers. Finally you are taken home by a family who shows you the wonders of a safe home, with good food and water, couches and companionship- and then they snatch it all away from you. It is like offering water to a man dying in the desert, then not letting him drink! Anyone who works in animal rescue can tell you that animals who are returned from a home- whether they were in that home for a few days or a few years- mourn their loss. Don’t be cruel to your adopted pet- choose wisely, then give the animals a chance to work things out and get to know each other! It takes about a month for a dog to feel at home enough to show his true self, longer for a cat. If there are problems in the settling in period, ask your rescue group for help or a referral to someone who can help you. And even if your pet and your adopted pet turn out to not be best buddies, fulfill your obligation to the adopted pet, as long as no one is in danger. Remember, adoption is not all about you- it is also about giving a chance at a good life for an animal, too. Don’t let him down. 

 Now let’s suppose you have a dog that needs a companion. The first question is: what species of animal will make the best companion for him? It may not be a dog, as you might expect. Do you know if he was raised by his mother, with littermates? Dogs who are orphaned and hand-raised (without contact with other dogs), weaned before 7 weeks of age and pups who had no littermates may not have the social skills needed to successfully interact with another dog. If you know his early history, you should know if he had any canine role models before the age of 12 weeks or so. If you don’t know, observe his behavior with other dogs. You cannot tell by interactions with just one dog, but can learn a lot from watching how he gets along with a number of different dogs. Is he afraid? Does he snap at any dog who comes near? Is he bossy or pushy, making other dogs afraid of him? Or does he warm up fairly quickly to most dogs, even offering to play? When he plays with another dog, what kind of play does he prefer? Does he like to chase and run, wrestle and roll, or does he like to play tug of war? Does he play rough, with a lot of forceful body checking and noise? All of these things can tell you what kind of dog will probably like him.

 When selecting a companion dog, look for a dog who compliments your dog’s personality and play style. If your dog is very attached to you or likes to be in charge, look for a laid-back dog who gets along with pushy dogs and doesn’t need a lot of human attention to be happy. If your dog is the laid-back one, you can look for a laid-back dog or go with that needier dog who does want your attention. If you have a bossy female dog, you should avoid a similar female, and may even want to limit your search to male dogs in particular. Dogs who like to chase and run, such as bird dogs or herding dogs, get along best with dogs who like to do the same. More physical dogs who like to slam into playmates and wrestle should be matched with the same, as many dogs do not appreciate this behavior. Contrary to popular opinion, many pit bulls and pit mixes do get along well with other dogs, but their play style is so physical and loud that it is intimidating to many dogs. If your dog likes to play tug of war, you should be careful that his playmate and he have a clear understanding of who gets to be the boss, or you could end up with play escalating into fights. If you have a “hyperactive” dog, such as a terrier or bird dog, you should think twice before finding him an equally active playmate. Although they may love each other, you will have doubled your trouble with this match. They will not tire each other out, they will get into twice as much trouble! So if you have a busy terrier, you want a dog who can play with him but will also teach him some manners! Mature female dogs often have this maternal trait. This is one case in which I would really recommend that you search for a dog who is an adult, preferably over three years old, and calm.

 If your dog is always afraid of other dogs, gets into lots of fights (whether he seems to start them or not) or simply ignores other dogs, he is probably just not a "dog person." In this case, you might consider whether he prefers cats. Was he raised with cats or been around cats? Does he like them, and do cats like him? Or does he chase them, eye them like he’s thinking about kitty burgers or actually attack them? Are cats afraid of him? It is a little harder to tell whether a dog likes cats or just hasn't attacked one yet, but if they are confident around him and he seems relaxed around them, he probably likes them. Some dogs even play with cats. My own dog treats them like any member of his pack; he respects some, plays with others and sleeps with them. If you have a dog who doesn’t have a serious urge to play and just likes to lay around, he may enjoy having a cat companion.

 It is almost impossible to judge a cat’s reaction to new animals or situations without a settling in period. Cats just don’t adapt to change well, and it usually takes several weeks to see how things are going to work. So when adopting a rescue cat, you just have to do the best you can. Ask the rescue workers about the cat’s personality when he is relaxed, not as he is acting in the cage in front of you. What do they know about his past? Has he been with other cats or dogs? How did he do? Fortunately, you can often get by with this information, since cats have a much less rigid social structure than do dogs. If you are adopting for your dog, you can have them meet, but don’t expect a friendly encounter. The cat will probably hiss and spit, possibly even swat at your dog. What is most revealing is your dog’s reaction to this rude behavior. Does he accept the challenge and either lunge or bark at the cat? Does he get overly excited, tail high and wagging fast or with hair on end? Does he get very still and tense, watching the cat very quietly and indirectly? Or does he back away, lower his gaze and look away from the cat? Perhaps he loses interest or simply lays down, not looking at the cat. If you dog gets very excited or very quiet in the presence of the cat, he may be unsafe to live with a cat. But if he is a little afraid or respectful of an angry cat, he may do very well.

 If you are looking for a cat to be a companion for another cat, you will not get any information from introducing them before adoption. In fact, you will want to introduce them very slowly and carefully when you bring the new cat home. But to choose a companion for your cat is often not as hard as for a dog. Cats do not spend a great deal of time in close proximity, even when they like each other. They may groom and sleep near each other, but many cat friends don’t even do this. Cats derive social rewards from simply being close- this is why your cat may seem to like you but may hate being held. It is not their style. So their needs for companionship are easier to meet. The biggest challenges come when you enter the “multiple cat” category. When there are more than two cats in a household, then kitty politics become much more complex. In general, if you have a couple of cats who get along, be very careful about deciding to introduce more cats into the mix. But for this discussion, we’ll assume you are getting Cat #2.

 First, think about your cat’s habits. If you have a cat with a history of not using the litter box reliably, even if it is occasional, you should probably not tempt fate by adding stress to this cat. If you have a loud or busy household and a nervous cat, don’t make his problems worse. Be sure that your cat really does want a friend before you get him one. And if you bring home a second cat, you must bring home a second litter box. If that does not appeal to you, then you may not want another cat.

 Basically, there are two kinds of cats. There are people cats and cat cats. People cats love attention, and want to be in your lap or near you all the time. They sleep with you, greet you when you come home, watch you in the bathroom- you know the type. Then there are cat cats. They don’t ask for or want close contact. They do their own thing and let you do yours. As long as you come home and feed them, they are content. Predictably, people cats prefer cat cats. They don’t like the competition for attention, so get along best with cats who don’t want to sit on laps and follow you everywhere. If you have a people cat, get him a cat cat companion. Cat cats don’t care too much, so if your cat is of this type, you can go ahead and get that lap cat you’ve always wanted. Or you can get another cat cat and serve two masters. As long as neither cat is an extremely bossy and confident cat, odds are that they will work things out. If you do have a bossy cat (even the dog is afraid of him), then you may have trouble finding a cat who can handle the pressure of living with Attila the Hun. My first cat was just such a bully. My second cat was his punching bag, and it was hard for her until I brought another cat in to defuse the situation. I currently have a very bossy female cat who does well with multiple cats in the home. Between them, the others hold their own against her when she is in one of her moods. I also have her sister, who is uninterested in kitty politics in general but can still kick her sister’s butt when she needs to. I think that keeps my bossy girl humble. So the lesson here might be that bossy cats may overwhelm a single cat but be less of a threat in a multiple cat household. Be aware, though, that these very confident cats can be a stress that can cause other cats to develop bad behaviors, such as self-barbering or litter box problems.

 There is no magic formula that can predict the best choice for your pet’s companion. But if you study your own pet (be sure to take off the rose-colored glasses and be honest), you can get a pretty good idea of what type of pet you are searching for. Then it’s just a matter of finding someone who fits your profile. Don’t get discouraged, and don’t think that you must adopt someone the first time out. Be patient, and if you don’t find your candidate, try again the next week, or the week after. He’ll turn up!

Good luck, happy hunting, and thank you for adopting and saving a life!